Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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