at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
