my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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