And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
