the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone came in the potted fern
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
