Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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