just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
