You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
