Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
