Can i not drive my cunt home
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
