i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
