I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
