so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
