god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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