he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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