Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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