I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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