Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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