WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
