Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
