Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
