we're blogging at a bar
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
