drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have fence marks all over my body
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
