I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
