Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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