I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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