You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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