Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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