my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
