We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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