I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
