I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
