this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
