I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
