Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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