don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
