margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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