He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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