What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
