You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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