Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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