Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
