did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
