i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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