he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
