We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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