i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
