Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
