I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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