Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish my penis had a tongue
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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